We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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