That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
