wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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