Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
