I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
