I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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