So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
