Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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