nutella sex= disaster
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We need to get me chipped asap
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
