____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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