I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize