4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
