Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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