just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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