What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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