I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
