kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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