i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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