if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
