I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
