Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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