i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
