I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
