So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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