I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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