I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
