you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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