I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
