i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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