as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
