Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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