Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
