I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
