If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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