Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
