I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
