Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I have feelings that need drinking.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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