did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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