I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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