He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
