You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
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