Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
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When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
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I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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