garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
are you so shy because you have an std?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
