Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
