this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's blow job season.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He did a backflip because drugs
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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