Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
foreskin is a definite game changer
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
