guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
