i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
