What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
