She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
