Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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