Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
