I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
