well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i will never coherently bang her
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
