You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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