I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
