is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
please come you make the beer taste better
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
