How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
