Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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