sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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