dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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