We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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