I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
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He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
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I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.