Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
operation have a gay friend backfired
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
