K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.