It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no