Texts From Last Night

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  (530): View more from California

  No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.

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  (530): No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here. http://tfl.nu/k9so
  Replies (33) Good night (2415) Bad night (1035)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.

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  (224): it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday. http://tfl.nu/m5qz
  Replies (11) Good night (692) Bad night (2621)
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  (718): View more from New York

  They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule

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  (718): They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule http://tfl.nu/5d7q
  Replies (44) Good night (999) Bad night (3352)
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  (818): View more from California

  why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?

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  (818): why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing? http://tfl.nu/8p36
  Replies (26) Good night (980) Bad night (3537)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.

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  (302): He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before. http://tfl.nu/latf
  Replies (13) Good night (892) Bad night (4197)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson

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  (508): this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson http://tfl.nu/oc0q
  Replies (7) Good night (3665) Bad night (728)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.

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  (417): Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever. http://tfl.nu/md7w
  Replies (30) Good night (12087) Bad night (1148)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.

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  (205): You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you. http://tfl.nu/htvc
  Replies (3) Good night (2165) Bad night (699)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina

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  (402): Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina http://tfl.nu/fhci
  Replies (11) Good night (2789) Bad night (577)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.

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  (651): I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober. http://tfl.nu/gztw
  Replies (5) Good night (1409) Bad night (767)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job

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  (435): For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job http://tfl.nu/nykr
  Replies (6) Good night (2126) Bad night (517)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance

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  (937): Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance http://tfl.nu/14uy
  Replies (2) Good night (1100) Bad night (435)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  "Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...

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  (306): "Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning... http://tfl.nu/awmt
  Replies (0) Good night (459) Bad night (242)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?

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  (727): How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part? http://tfl.nu/hg2r
  Replies (1) Good night (994) Bad night (228)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.

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  (214): On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded. http://tfl.nu/gjfr
  Replies (2) Good night (361) Bad night (193)

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