watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Four minutes until I can fart!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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