I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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