does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
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They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
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I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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