Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
