party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
