hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize
