i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
