So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
