I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
