I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
