Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
