you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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