I want to have your abortion
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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