it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
