I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
